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❤️ Click here: Dont date someone with borderline personality disorder

Judge me go on ahead but no you do not feel me you are not me you only know you. I remember what it read though.

Some more than others. We all feel empty, we feel depressed, we cannot cope with boredom. However, if you give in to the outrage, the borderline behavior is reinforced.

Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder - Poisonous comments, are you nuts?

If you date enough women, eventually you will encounter one with Borderline Personality Disorder. If autism is hyper-masculinization of the brain, it may help to think of BPD as characterizing hyper-feminization of the brain. Recent research suggests that the disorder, which afflicts 2% of the population, is linked to hormone levels and can be exacerbated by hormonal treatment such as birth control. From Wikipedia: Borderline personality disorder BPD is a personality disorder characterized by unusual variability and depth of moods. These moods may secondarily affect cognition and interpersonal relationships. Other symptoms of BPD include impulsive behaviour, intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, unstable self-image, feelings of abandonment and an unstable sense of self. People with BPD often engage in idealization and devaluation of themselves and of others, alternating between high positive regard and heavy disappointment or dislike. Self-harm and suicidal behavior are common and may require inpatient psychiatric care. One night I successfully approached a knockout, the best looking girl in the entire venue. We were quick to kiss and things escalated back to her place. Luckily I was sober enough to realize something with this girl was just… off. These perceived insults seemed to throw her into a complete funk, but just minutes later she was pushing me to have unprotected sex with her. She got visibly angry when I attempted to use a condom, so I thought the better of doing anything and just went to sleep. We set up a date for later in the week, but when I picked her up she flipped out about inconsequential details like where to eat and whether to go to her place or mine, prompting me to leave her yelling on the sidewalk as I drove away in befuddlement. She called me crying five minutes later apologizing, as if she was simultaneously trying her best to piss me off but was also terrified that I would abandon her. I gritted my teeth through the date, did not attempt anything physical, and never called her again. If you run into a broad with a few of these symptoms, watch out. BPD girls live in an unfortunate state of arrested development, as if you took a perpetually hormonal 12 year old and gave it the body and power of an adult. This is an especially dangerous combination because attractive girls, no matter how crazy, are essentially allowed to get away with anything in our society. The combination of impunity and impulsiveness makes them prime targets to throw out a false rape accusation, destroy your property, stalk you, and attempt to ruin your life from the inside out. Huge and unpredictable mood swings — From lovey-dovey to scary-rage in two seconds flat. Child-like fascination with both infantile and adult subject matter — She may obsess over cute puppies and kitties, but also searches out the sensory overload like hardcore porn and gory slasher movies without batting an eye. Risk-seeking behavior: She loves unprotected sex, gambling, and dangerous thrill-seeking. She lacks a filter before saying something or make a decision. Even a superlatively attractive girl is not worth the mental anguish her presence will cause. You have to fight this, but if you insist on putting yourself through this torment, you need to remember the following Ds: Document. Video tape if necessary. Use your phone to record conversations and intimate moments. You never, ever keep a girl like this in a relationship or even at the top of your rotation. Ultimately no matter how attractive she is, dealing with this type of crazy is not worth it. Do not hesitate to kick these women to the curb if they exhibit this behavior. But Zeke, you took the words right out of my mouth. It was that bad. Fortunately, I was years into the red pill by then, so I cut it off pretty quickly. But I failed to follow one key piece of advice that Black Knight gave: Let it fade slowly. Find a way to make her dump you. Be overly beta or needy or something. It goes on and on and on. GTFO and delete my number. One stormed out of the bar with my friends present after being in a funk the whole time. Their anger and emotions are directed inwards instead of towards their partner. What they will do is eventually sabotage the relationship because of their own insecurities and fears. Either they will do something that forces you to end things cheat on you, etc , or they will slowly withdraw piecemeal, or sometimes they just abruptly cut you off and basically disappear. Most BPD girls suffer from low self-esteem and have daddy issues of some sort. They are not to be trifled with, because they have a way of getting underneath your skin and getting over them is harder than getting over a non-BPD girl. They hate themselves and eventually will treat you as poorly as they treat themselves. Cesare You were Lucky, and good on you for it. I ran into one years ago who quickly made the leap to obsessive stalker. She not only knew where I lived but a substantial hunk of my family as well and threatened to burn down all our houses at the idea that we needed to part. I finally went into the Army and after restorative period of living in the woods like an animal and eating my meat like a cannibal, she finally got the message. She loved to fuck and had a rawness for a girl her age. But that can be taught with a little patience. Still the picture you paint of the mood swings, constantly freaking out…hyper for or hyper against, the sentimentality over a crude common denominator of animal desire for stimulus is way too familiar. Of virtually everybody I have known in this world, men or women, she is the only one I genuinely wish ill. If you were ever seriously involved with a Cluster B disordered individual, you are never the same person afterwards. It is emotionally akin to losing a limb. I suspect many men come to the Red Pill thanks to an entanglement with one of these creatures. The only silver lining is that you have a certain immunity afterwards. You learn to develop stronger boundaries and standards and you can spot the crazy much more easily. Indeed you tend to scrutinize and vet girls much more closely from the get-go when it comes to sanity. I experienced the exact same thing. My hellish LA bitch had 8 of the 9 traits described under borderline personality disorder in the DSM-IV manual. God, if I had only known what the hell BPD was when I met her… She messed me up, but I was golden after that. OGNorCal707 This, excellent comment, definitely one of the best so far. This article is a decent introduction to BPD women, but it only scratches the surface. Sure there are minor outbursts and warning signs at the outset, I really was ignorant, but also largely ignored a lot of red flags which I now really regret. Any how to make a long story short, I was blinded by the pussy, sex with a a BPD a really hot BPD is like fucking crack, you become addicted to that shit. On top of that, this girl was so over the top with telling me she loved me, I was her soul mate, she wanted to marry me, etc. The culmination of which ended when she was belligerently blacked out drunk, was acting violently and abusively towards me and then when I went off on her calling her a psycho bitch and hit her with a pillow, she ran into her kitchen and called 911 on her house phone, crazy bitch was threatening to hit her head against the wall to make it look like I hit her. When the cops showed up they said they saw a red mark on her neck, I should have kept my mouth shut, because I thought I had did nothing wrong and told them what happened, ofcourse they took my words out of context, twisted them around and falsely made me out to be abusive in their police report. That bitch basically ruined my life and on top of that I hate the psycological torment that she put me through, to make things worse I pretty much figured out that she had cheated on me after the break up. These women are masters at lying and masters at manipulation. These girls have serious daddy issues and in many cases have been molested as children. Not only are they fucking manipulative, but their end game is to totally fucking control you. Once they totally fucking control you, they come to resent you, then they fuck you over, cheat on you with your best friend, or do some other super fucked up shit, just for their own shits and giggles. They can be sociopathic in that they completely lack remorse for their actions. They are so utterly self absorbed and literally care about no one but themselves. Shalashaska Outside of the police involvement this is almost exactly my story word for word. Every detail, from mirroring, to playing the victim, to fucking your best friend just for kicks. I felt my skin crawl just reading it. BIG TIP GUYS IF YOU DO ARE OR EVER DECIDE TO GIBE ANOTHER BPD WOMAN A CHANCE. WHEN THEY GO ON ONE THERE BULLSHIT MOODS YOU CALL THE LOCAL HOPITAL. AND TELL THEM THERES A PERSON WITH BPD AND THERE HAVING A CRISES AND THEY WILL GET LOCKED UP QUICKLY. Hanzi Here is a real story of serial Cheater BPD women: Her father left her and her mother and this has pushed her into passing all of her life seducing men to recover her self- esteem and to simultaneously avoid any commitment for long term due to her fear of abandonment later. As an example a married man who left his wife for her than she left him after one month marriage, she knew a poet for years with a roller coaster kind of relation without any outcome. It is the seduction game with the fear of commitment. They usually target Narcissist people and people who are not available married to a pretty wife, famous poet, etc. I dated a girl with BPD who did both one week after we met. It amazes me how many people have almost exact similar experiences with people who have BPD. Le Docteur Great posts guys. I had pretty much the same experiences with my ex BPD girlfriend. Like some of you guys, I had no clue what BPD was when I met her, and thus was completely oblivious to all the red flags etc. There are some good articles and literature out there about this stuff. There are so many mind-blowing things about the disorder, and per this comment thread one of them is how incredibly similar romantic relationships with borderlines are. For example, they inevitably go through those three stages: the lover, the clinger and then the hater. All of their behaviour is completely governed and dictated by their personality disorder. They never deviate in any significant way from that path and those modes of behaviour. And I hear you guys about how difficult these relationships are to get over. Namens felder I have manic depression and my manic moods last a long time and I literally switch into a different person and depending on the style of it, I can be a miserable fuck and I see that. It is always you and not them and you CANNOT do anything write because they will find something wrong, or push you away. Some of it yes, because not everyone is strong enough to cope. If you have a disorder, it also mixes in with your genetics and what type of person you originally are. I have BPD and I could never even imagine doing the horrible things you say she did. And a cheater is a cheater, NOT someone with a disorder.. My point is, please stop categorizing us girls as all the same. Sounds to me like you were just dealing with a fake bitch who happen to have the disorder. Because besides all of the termoil that it causes while surfaced, you can still always tell what kind of person they are at heart, if they have one. Dave Brooke what that guy is saying is 100% correct and i can tell you that my Ex-GF has BPD and also stunning, funny enough my story is almost exactly like his, I have a work colleague that was married to a BPD woman and she was also a mirror of the that women, the fact is that they seem to be so similar in their traits that they are quite easy to spot when you know what to look for and the high functioning BPD women are the hardest to deal with as its never their problem its yours. Judith Jareau Dave, you must be horrible. Did it ever occur to you to maybe…um, get her some mental help? I suffer with BPD and in now way am I like that girl this author had wrote about. I do my best to be a good person who is caring, loving, honest, thoughtful, and considerate. I am currently seeking therapy to become an even better person. I have improved, but seeing articles like this.. It hurts to know that there is a cult of men, even women who detests people with BPD and say mean things about them. I try so hard, but this.. I try so hard to make people smile, even if it just takes a silly joke. I see it when the symptoms arise and I deal with it as it comes. I try and people need to know that not all BPD sufferers are bad. Many are wonderful individuals with such big hearts. Some people are just bad apples, but not all are. The dialectic therapy is one of the best for what I heard! Otherwise hating borderline is a normal reaction when you unedrstand what you have been through while beeing with a bad BPD case, but after a few years we generally understand that it was a part of our growing process to understand why we put up with all that misery and we get out somehow stronger! Some take advantage of it also. I think that once you know you have you can tell when a crisis is gonna come up. If you know the bad behavior is gonna start train your body,emotions to do things that make you happy in general. I think that was irresponsible also. If you want a relationship to work out and you have BPD educate your spouse. Tell them from the start so they also can tell when theres gonna be an emotional coaster and they be prepared to with it. I myself did that with my husband. But yes not everyone is willing to share or explain there disability. Im not ashamed of it I speak about it all the time and educate others also. While she had all of the BPD traits I understand that it is her own deep never healing emotional life long wound that is causing all these problems. For me she was perfect as she kept things exciting and I was never bored and I loved saving her and I loved receiving all the fun she could give me when she was feeling good. The problem is that I knew this would never ever survive the test of time. I knew that eventually she would walk out on me so I never fully committed to her and eventually she did start seeing someone else going through that honeymoon phase and tried to keep me around like very very hard but I thought it was time to stop the contact so I did. I have great memories with her and I know she will continue her struggle though life never being able to fit, never being able to establish a proper family. I see her as a victim, not myself. I also understand all the guys that went through meeting the dream girl and having that dream ripped out from under their feet and if they left at that time none of that crazy things would have happened but they tried to hang onto the dream and got smashed. Once you know you are playing with fire you should stop. I have learned a lot from my BPD girl it will only make me a stronger person. Keep up the good work Judith. Tracy Ehrich peter, i feel like this response could have been made by any one of my exes, which was at once difficult to read as well as eye opening and even a bit comforting. Greg Higgs Personality Disordered Individuals gradually lose their virulence as they age out. Are you able to feel compassion and sympathy for those you may have hurt emotionally, psychologically or physically? Try to keep positive about yourself. If you are constantly focussed on managing your disorder and practicing the guidance from a good qualified therapist who specializes in BPD treatment, you have a good chance of living a balanced life. That being said, I see no reason why you should disclose your disorder to everyone you meet. Hold back a bit for a time. See where the relationship takes you. If your partner begins to express a sincere desire for a more lasting commitment, then perhaps you can disclose your condition and educate him Or her about it. Your comment is interesting because you have expressed the very same fear of experiencing what many people have experienced when discarded by a BPD. Personally, I can relate because I have been discarded. I understand what you are afraid of. Have you ever heard of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy BPD? It has been the most productive treatment to date for people with BPD. Perhaps you can ask a therapist about it and if could be beneficial to you. Keep a positive outlook. NOT everyone we meet is meant to be our life-partner! Some people are only capable of the odd casual encounter. It depends on what you want for your own life. Some more than others. You just have to try to have MORE Rational and Balanced moments than the crazy moments, okay? DBT therapy treatment will help you do that! Take control of your disorder instead of being at the mercy of it! Develop other aspects of yourself besides your sexuality. Become active in a community service such as helping the elderly, or tutoring a child or feeding the homeless or something like that. But First and foremost, take action and commit yourself to wellness and a balanced healthy life. Seek out DBT treatment. No one was talking about you, but you perceived it as such ,right? Narcissism is often an integral part of being BPD. Overinflated ego, arrogance due to ignorance and narcissism are the other half. Better work on yourself, than trying to change the world to your image. It never worked, and only delays your progress. Borderline Personality Disorder is a Narcissistic Malady. In the DSM-IV it is listed in the Axis II Cluster-B pantheon of Narcissistic Disorders. There is a lot of information you might find interesting and informative. Object NAMI — National Alliance of Mental Illness says: Borderline Personality Disorder rarely stands alone. BPD occurs with, and complicates, other disorders. Co-morbidity with other disorders: Major Depressive Disorder — 60 percent Dysthymia chronic, moderate to mild depression — 70 percent Eating Disorders — 25 percent Substance Abuse — 35 percent Bipolar Disorder — 15 percent Antisocial Personality Disorder — 25 percent Narcissistic Personality Disorder — 25 percent In truth I have seen those suffering from BPD morph from classic BPD into Antisocial, Narcissistic and Historionic depending on the circumstances. Greg Higgs OKAY Judith, I have to address your statement. They are like vicious children running around lying, manipulating, hurting, tantruming, deceiving, conning people around them! There is NO CULT of people who are hate people with Borderline Personality Disorder. They hate what the person with BPD have done to them! You cannot blame these people! You cannot resent them for having the emotions they feel by reason of their interaction with a BPD. They have their own problems! To a normal person, the BPD is an evil slag POS and does not deserve ANY consideration. As a BPD yourself, it is important for you to keep that in your mind! YOU are the one who is NOT normal! YOU are the one with deficits in empathy! YOU are the one hurting people! Because to the people you are railing against have been severely injured by someone who thought and believed the very same way you do! THERE IS NO CULT! You must have sympathy and understanding for them FIRST! They had to have had a bad experience for them to express those feelings to begin with. It was NOT their fault! Just focus on yourself. Se those statements as a wake-up call to help keep you committed to treatment and overcoming your disorder. Take responsibility for your own BPD! And continue of your road to recovery and healing. Totally makes sense to expect royal treatment from the women you objectify right? Anyways, Im bpd but I havent dated in years. Pretty much ALL sexual encounters are with someone we LIKE. Some of it yes, because not everyone is strong enough to cope. If you have a disorder, it also mixes in with your genetics and what type of person you originally are. I have BPD and I could never even imagine doing the horrible things you say she did. And a cheater is a cheater, NOT someone with a disorder.. My point is, please stop categorizing us girls as all the same. Sounds to me like you were just dealing with a fake bitch who happen to have the disorder. Because besides all of the termoil that it causes while surfaced, you can still always tell what kind of person they are at heart, if they have one. Real AsThey Come everything you have said and others on this page is spot on with a bpd female. I had to deal with a bpd who denies it and also a bipolar. We were friends at first and I was told lies about her exes and how everyone is cruel to her blah blah. I am a soldier and had that hero complex or knight whatever you want to call it. I know I am a strong individual but this has ruined my life my sanity. I pretty much lost everything because of her. My finances, my job, my sense of self. Yes I would catch her on all kinds of social media giving out her number making plans for dates. She would hang out with guys behind my back exes, guys who wanted to bone her and most likely she was. I left her after just 3 months and then she tried to kill herself and I felt bad for her and realized she was seriously sick. She had no support from her mother which I think is also a bpd because she puts her ex husband through the same thing and note has 5 kids from 5 men. I came back helped her go to therapy go see docs get meds for her bipolar at the time and whatever else. I later realized it was more than just bipolar was like 3 illnesses which she would lie about or deny. I was on constant danger always having to deal with dozens of men from her past or present which were usually drug dealers, pimps, or felons. I started hating her and never hit a woman before there were times I almost lost it and just punched the wall. I was constantly humiliated embarrassed disrespected in everyway possible. I did so much and sacrificed so much for this person to be played again. I had enough 2 months ago and walked out for good and suspected her of prostituting again while she had a regular honest job now past year. I felt like I pretty much saved her life and taught her right but it was all a waste because they will never change. I had enough and am now getting my life back together back in the army after a 9 month break and going back to school and working. I figured out a few months ago it was all the symptoms of bdp and even confronted her and she denies shes ill. I did all I could more than any man would for that woman. I felt like I was the doctor, parent, boyfriend, caretaker all in one because I always had to play those roles for her to get her act right which she would for a little bit but now ive lost all hope and realize THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE. I have so much more to say and am feeling down right now and about to head on a mission in a few days so im trying to get myself back together. I did love her and care about her and still do in some way but I know I have to take care of me first now and continue doing good things for the world like I have before and get my life back. BorderlineChick Thank you for posting this. This is the issue I have. And yes, I do have the daddy issues as well. I took every psych rotation in college so I happen to also be a self aware. Again, thank you for posting another side of BPD. Me too, everyone is different yet they all categorized us as the exact same. No two people are the exact same, disorder or not. Basing everyone off of their experience is fucking WEAK, so why thank these people calling us monsters and saying were all evil bitches??. Me too, everyone is different yet they all categorized us as the exact same. No two people are the exact same, disorder or not. Basing everyone off of their experience is fucking WEAK, so why thank these people calling us monsters and saying were all evil bitches??. Sara Emily Carby try healingfrombpd. This is the issue I have. And yes, I do have the daddy issues as well. I took every psych rotation in college so I happen to also be a self aware. Again, thank you for posting another side of BPD. A quick fact: People who take psychiatric drugs live on average 15 YEARS LESS than people who do not take psychiatric drugs. Modern psychiatry is simply a tool for big pharma to make BILLIONS of dollars a year, pushing their bogus science. Keep your mind and body healthy and free. John Rambo Or just try to live a balanced life, eating right, avoiding junk foods and chemicals, and avoid social groups full of crazy people which in America is impossible, since 99 percent of women in America are brainwashed by feminism and feminism IS a mental disorder. I find it very funny how people OUTSIDE of America are totally sane, emotionally balanced, psychologically healthy, etc. Why then are Americans so fucked up? It is due to the culture of feminism, Marxism, liberalism, political correctness, Affirmative Action, and so on. Cultural Marxism, of which feminism is the worst aspect, IS a mental disorder. And most people are pretty sane. Now, the greater the influence of western culture, the greater the instance of people who appear to be mentally unbalanced. Like in South Korea, for example, I saw a few people who seemed to be completely frustrated and at the end of their ropes. But SK is a very westernized country. Western culture IS the disease, western culture IS the mental illness. Three more suicide attempts would follow, in a space of four years. I pray she never becomes that crazy, of course. One in particular…Threatened with rape accusations never even had sex with her , showed up at my home wasted, showed up at my work ranting and raving. God forbid I would be in the gym to not answer her texts that would escalate from hello to complete lunacy within 20 minutes. She was ridiculously hot. Even though I figured out she was BPD after about 9 months of dating, I stayed with her. I know of four other women in my life who display all of the signs my ex did. And that fits the 2% average fairly well, so I have no doubt. My orgasms were more intense than with any other girl. I broke up with my ex bpd about a month ago. But I swear — the one thing that keeps me thinking about going back is the intimacy! Will she possibly drunkenly drive off in her car in the middle of the night after? Will she cheat on you during one of her episodes of abandonment when you forget to answer the phone? Yeah, that will probably happen. Will she sacrifice the sanctity of the relationship to alleviate her emotional anxiety temporarily? Yeah, yeah she will. Giggles Heartiste wrote a profile years ago about this type of girl. Eternal Ingenues run a risk of growing older alone. She can avoid this fate by being more hard-headed, but that has its cost. Cultivation of her pragmatic side will weaken her otherworldy whimsical side, which is the big generator of her power. As a result of all this self-deception, she is able to seem virginal even when she is not. This falls right into line with one of my maxims. Maxim 7: The sweeter and more innocent a girl seems, the greater the likelihood she has been in a gangbang. I nearly went to prison because of one of them. SO, with that being said, yes… attention 100%. Positive attention is also welcomed lol, any attention is welcomed. Unstable sense of self… flexible this is constant and so miserable. I idolize people who are just one way all the time.. Probably explains why I pick assertive people, they help me feel more complete.. The most important thing is — self-awareness, and you seem to have it. Then, concentration, learning self-love, self-esteem and so on, and you will be just fine. I also read somewhere that if borderlines were to repair their self esteem, theyd become narcissists and i agree with this as well. BTW, no one , BPD or otherwise, will be happy in any relationship before they learn to be happy on their own. Make that your goal — learn to be happy and whole and feel complete, while being alone not lonely and with no friends. Be alone to start to feel yourself, learn what you like, what your values are and so on. Once you are happy in your own skin, you may slowly try to introduce yourself to the outside world. Then comes the next challenge: dealing with the crazy world around you. Just as we become sane r , we realize how insane the world is. John Rambo Hi Aurini, John Rambo here, founder of Boycott American Women. I like your videos. NOT some biological or chemical deficiency in the brain, which is what the bogus science of modern psychiatry is preaching. A quick fact: People who take psychiatric drugs live on average 15 YEARS LESS than people who do not take psychiatric drugs. Modern psychiatry is simply a tool for big pharma to make BILLIONS of dollars a year, pushing their bogus science. Keep your mind and body healthy and free. Take a culture that 1 puts people at risk through broken families, and 2 excuses bad behaviour in women, and you get out of control BPDs. Modern psychology is 75% bullshit, with only a few good ideas to be found. He talks about how to spot them, how they think and what causes the disorder mainly childhood stuff. He also talks about which personality types are susceptible read: super attracted to which disorders. Well worth checking out if you find this valuable information. Quintus Curtius My experience is that most—maybe a majority—of Americhicks suffer from histrionic disorder, or narcissistic disorder, or both. These are amplified by years of being told they are special snowflakes and can do no wrong, and that life is all funsy-wunsy and frivolous. And then they find out otherwise. Add to that: after marriage and childbearing, most of them suffer from postpartum depression. So, bottom line is that most are walking magma domes of neuroses and psychological baggage. My solution: focus on foreign women, and use Americhicks as playthings, never to be taken seriously, while exercising good judgment and a healthy dose of caution. Onlooker I met a girl like this just a couple of weeks ago. When we met she took a sudden and intense interest in me, and after the first day we were writing and texting copiously. I had to do it carefully since we work together. Some of what this article says is eerily accurate; my particular friend is obsessed with her cute cat but also loves reading about serial killers. David Just out of a relationship with a borderline. I also suspect that I was being lied to often and manipulated as well. It was a grizzly experience. Things eventually degenerated rather awfully, but there was a sweet period that felt like the blue pill jackpot. Knowing what I now know about BPD, I could probably never truly fall for another one. But oh how I wish I could relive the BPD honeymoon period again! Best illusion of woman, best sex. But also know that teh sex will most likely be the best. But with the borderline, you never know when things are gonna go south…. Does that make me a masochist? Nah, Id say more like a drug addict. Was the best, with one short micromovement she got me hot, unbelievable, only fixated on herself it was a pussy game to die for. But no discussion possible, she cut off communication with an unvisible cold sharp knife in order to make me begging her. I felt controlled, manipulated, nor allowed to discuss anything amd when ee had spent the first unbelievable weekend she told me how she had fucked another guy with an anus praeter and had the most passionate orgasme ever, unfortunately the window of the club had been open and her spouse waitng for her to pick her up outside had whitnessed this therapeutic orgasm. I nearly fell off the bed, but she calmly was surprised why I was terrified. This started a series of stories told by her in the weeks to come, out of the blue, mostly in moments when I was close to her. So I broke off with her. But I still feel like lovin her, and I feels like cold turkey to stay away from her. It s hard to accept. Thea Wow man,you are an idiot. All people can be unstable at times, but if you have a heart, and find someone attractive you can eventually work through it, or find ways to get around the issues or cope with them. They are still people and still have positive things to contribute to a relationship. Thanks for proving my point though. How many of you have BPD yourselves? How many of you have experienced any mental disorders yourselves? Her story is not a highly atypical experience. Are you a psychologist? Do you specialize in BPD? Do you have a case load full of BPD suffering women who are all like this? Also, how many of you actually know for sure the women you dated had BPD? Stop over generalizing people with a disorder and stop the stigmatization. BPD is nothing like that. They have no remorse. People with BPD have remorse, despite what many non-professionals claim. Le Docteur How many psych courses have I taken? And tons and tons of articles. And attended countless forums on it. I was in a nightmare 4-year relationship with a borderline, which was how I got interested in the topic. Two of my best friends wer also in nightmare relationships with borderlines. So I know of what I speak. We care if you act like the crazy BPDs described. Its replicable and easily identifiable. It would be a shame to not share that information. I read a lot and see much bashing of women online by men about the women that left them or they had to leave because it would never work. The point is unless you are a doctor or an expert with credentials…. Everything here is just blah blah blah. If you have BPD — who cares what anybody says here? Sure, the OP is not doing anyone any favors giving advice to others about something he surely knows nothing about. My advice is to stop trolling internet posts and trying to force similarities or project what you think you know on others and look at your own behavior. What was my part in what happened? If a man tells me his ex was crazy — I believe him. It only gets as crazy as YOU let it. Again, take a look at yourself because it takes two. What comes around goes around. Sometimes I think the Middle Eastern concept of family honor comes from the amazingly high prevalence of these family secrets i. My ex had a very serious eating disorder before I met her, and, unbeknownst to me at the time of our relationship, had BPD. You can really see the parallels when you drill down: just like people with eating disorders, people with BPD will often latch on to some incredibly stubborn, wilful course of action which is destructive, self-destructive or both. Bizarre stuff, scary yet fascinating. You made me laugh! HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU KNOW WHAT HIS EXPERIENCE WAS IN REALITY? The egomaniacal side of you is here in full swing. You probably know by now that being ego-centric, with little regard for others, is one of the typical signs of BPD disorder. Thanks so much for these tips, but you know, no one forces you to hook up with borderlines, and maybe you want to look at yourself before placing blame solely on them. Also, these are gross generalizations, which actually do not apply to many girls with BPD. In fact, some of these characteristics occur frequently with other diagnoses, or even without any diagnoses, so singling out one group altogether is completely unfair. The other person has had and will again have normal relationships, these types of relationship problems and behaviors are new to them. The problem is the irrational person with BPD. Singling out this group is not only fair, its a service. All of us are judged by our behavior, if it fits the pattern of problematic people — we may expect to be treated as such. It is the manipulations, lies, and such that are an issue. If the person is self-aware about their disorder and has it under sufficient control, it really is no problem. I have been diagnosed with BPD- and while I do experience the urges to get out of hand, I have enough self awareness to refrain from that. And it does offend me to see you all stereotyping every single person with BPD as crazy. They tend to have a massive array of deeply entrenched defence mechanisms, all of which militate against their ever coming to terms with what they truly are, much less seeking therapy. I actually was the first to suspect that I did. Then came the official diagnosis. I was sure I had it long before that, regardless. I express things sincerely and neutrally. The fact is most people, BP or not, are content in the belief that their behaviour is justified and that the blame always lies elsewhere. I so often talk my way out of happiness. But sometimes, I manage to talk my way out of the pain too. I have always valued the ability to self-reflect. While I am highly emotional, volatile and riddled with guilt and fears of abandonment, I engage in frequent self-reflection—I daresay even more than the average non-BP. Many times my rationality becomes buried under a huge pile of typically irrational, fear-driven BPD thoughts; yet, I do my utmost to keep my crap together because the last thing I want to do is hurt others or overwhelm them. I was discriminated against for my looks, ethnicity and intelligence. During childhood and adolescence, I received overbearing love and praise from one parent and cold, hyper-discipilinarian treatment from the other. Both physically abused me. Not that they ever knew. I was a doormat and was overly nice to others growing up. I was passive and only learnt how to become assertive during high school. I constantly obsess over the pain of others. Yes, many BPDs will only blame others but there are many BPDs that blame only themselves. They are interested in the early recognition of behaviors that indicate a potential mate could turn out to be a nightmare. If someone does display these behaviors, then they may be a disaster until the behaviors start to subside in your 50s. When you think about it, after 15 years of mental torture of all kinds, it does some good to be able to call things for what they are, even if the word itself is, I admit, a little — rough, or insensitive. Just Jay I was naïve and had never heard of BPD. Thought I had found my soul mate. She concealed it quite well until we married and had two kids. Then the shit storm hit. I did eventually get arrested and spent 42 days in jail for absolutely nothing but the cops believed her lies. The divorce was final about a month ago. I have since found out she was sleeping with tons of different people, even some of my 14 year old sons friends. Educating young men about personality disorders should be mandatory in high schools. ObligeNobility So much in common with the other posters who went through the hell of being addicted to a woman like those described in the article. She subtly tried to sabotage my life by gaining complete control, only to get slightly bored after any victory. Mine called me up 6 months after I finally broke free, and left several VMs accusing me of forwarding all her mail to Alaska. With this irrational projection, I finally understood her worldview. BorderlineChick Sigh, I really wish people would realize, not ALL borderlines are this way. There are different levels and severities. This would be a severely low functioning borderline. I for example am a high functioning, self aware with a college education. I see those reactions as downright insane and ridiculous. BUT, its my thoughts I have trouble with. Give her an honest shot. Typical, responsibility avoidant, BPD crap. My ex was college educated, high functioning blah blah blah. I really wish all this misdirected BPD apologists would stop asking everyone to excuse their abuse. Are you kidding me? That can be said about anyone. But the generalisation —which you seem to present as fact— that all BPDs are abusive and poor carers and partners is also a close-minded one. There are different levels and severities. This would be a severely low functioning borderline. I for example am a high functioning, self aware with a college education. I see those reactions as downright insane and ridiculous. BUT, its my thoughts I have trouble with. Give her an honest shot. I just ended things with my ex about 2 weeks ago and she had BPD. When we met it was amazing we spent so much time together and of course we hooked up. She had me believeing awful things about myself like I would cheat on her or I could be dangerous or even commit murder. She teared me apart telling me it was for the best then left me in pieces telling me I was not her responceabilty. She would test me sometimes to see how much I really cared for or sometimes just see what my reaction would be. I think the sad thing about BPD is that it appers they are getting better and being the stand up guy you are you want to help and support them. They take a step forward then they take 2 back. Its also important to remeber that they are very damaged people and they need more love than most girls. The saddest thing though for me is knowing that she may never get better and will probally spend the rest of her life alone and un-happy. I will say this for her she has made a better a person. She is getting help for her other problems and hopfully this will lead to her getting help for her BPD Something Else One issue with your data. Recent studies have found that BPD is equally common in men and women. In the past it has been heavily overdiagnosed in women and underdiagnosed in men, probably due to the same misguided line of thought. These people are genuinely wounded. They really are hurting. But if you like to think of relationships in terms of a food chain, this is you, in a loincloth, forgetting all about your hunting spear and getting cozy with a three-legged tiger. You are not at the top of the food chain here. Think borderlines are harmful? I suffer horribly with this condition and then see people making fun of us on boards like this. And by the way NOT all BPDs accuse men of raping them. How dare you even put that out there! Do you not understand that BPD is a psychological disorder? Someone who has BPD cannot help it or control the emotions! But with therapy and proper help, there is hope for getting better! But if you find that you really do care about her and love her despite the disorder which is possible, by the way, my boyfriend loves me despite it and we are working through this together , then stick around and help her to get the help she so desperately needs. But do you think she honestly chooses to have BPD? Have some consideration and compassion. How would you feel if you were in her shoes? Think about that for a minute. Most of them are in massive denial. Since you are a human, you ARE capable of making decision, such as — taking therapy or asking for help. BPDs are special in that they do not want to change, or ask for help, or even care for how their behavior affects those they claim to love. Wow, you are an ignorant piece of shit if you think that all girls with BPD are like that. I have BPD, and for the most part everthing is good. If your not weak, over time you can control things that are just unnecessary. Hopefully this will educate you and all of the other dogs on this website. Wow, you are an ignorant piece of shit if you think that all girls with BPD are like that. I have BPD, and for the most part everthing is good. If your not weak, over time you can control things that are just unnecessary. Hopefully this will educate you and all of the other dogs on this website. Borderline Disorder Bpd girls can be very loving, but only with who deserves it. You have no idea about what Bpd is about, and you look so upset.. You are lucky to have wikipedia, otherwise you ll have no idea. Desirea Smart now this angers me allot … that is just one girl! Not all of us are that bad! BPD is intense emotions. We feel things allot more intense then those without the disorder. For those who feel annoyed, we feel rage. For those who feel humiliation, we feel shame. Those who feel a minor saddenand by a breakup or saying goodbye to someone, we feel intense remorse and grief. There is a need for more treatment and awareness. Unfortunatley most people just write a girl off who has this disorder and I personally refuse to accept that! People with BPD didnt choose to be like this so you cant be rude to them or say nasty things. If you sat with me in the psychologists room every week you would have understood WHY i have this problem-due to my up bringing and traumatising events through out my life. So before you idiots judge a person, do some research and maybe have a little bit of a heart. I went for therapy and today i am happily married to a very understanding and patient man who understands that im just a bit different. Start from the assumption that it IS you, and YOUR decision, and you will get better. Just becuase such decisions happen in moments lasting less than a split second, does not mean they do not happen. My wife has BPD and we have learned to overcome the challenges. The fact that all of you, ALL MALES who posted focused on physical appearances illustrates just how shallow you are, maybe you have small penis or suck in bed but your relationship went sour while mine flourishes. Maggi I have not cheated on my husband, nor do I lie or be deceitful in any way. Yes, I may be a little emotional and set off by things, but like Ian said, we work it out and I cope. Please park your high horses and acknowledge that while you may have extensive knowledge and experience with personality disorders, the average man on the street does not. No one here cares about branding you or your diagnosis. Thank you for giving me some faith in men, as people can be judgmental and it really does hurt reading things like this making us feel unworthy of love. I will admit though. Never have though I have been cheated on. You are NOT responsible for HER problems. Yes, this kind of stuff shows in details. Mike C Ok, bottom line here is that this article is written from a viewpoint of pure selfishness and blame calling, treating people with bpd as if they choose to behave this way, which most do not. The real trouble here is men who look at women as nothing more than objects for their amusement, narcissistic much? Grow up guys, it takes real men to handle someone with bpd, not teenagers ladygreen131 im like that I do understand. But it takes a very strong person to stay with someone with BPD. It pays to learn about mental disorders. She was incredibly good at pretending to be ignorant and above all else; pretending to be exactly what a guy wants in a woman. She had me believing that her dad was beating, raping, and selling her body to his friends. I believed it for two reasons: 1. The stuff she was telling me was so insane I knew that nobody would ever lie about it since none of it could be kept in the dark forever. She was incredibly resourceful. I married her because it made me eligible to move out of the barracks and get an apartment to take care of her. She had me thinking she had Congenital Heart problems had only a few years to live so I thought I could make them happy ones. She played my hero complex like a fucking boss. Soon as I was legally stuck with her, she unleashed the true crazy. Once I figured out her lies, I was so relieved to not have to respond to an emergency every day that I just gave her an ultimatum: Lie all you want, just never to me or about me. I thought it was a good deal considering it left her with plenty of alternative options, but no. Behind my back she was on every dating, networking… any social website you can think of meeting local people and making up horrible things I had done to her. She called my 1rst sergeant several times making up domestic violence stories A huge fucking deal for a military member. For sport she would push my buttons til I exploded so she could hold everything against me and use her disorders as her excuse and say I was a bad person because I was mentally healthy. She penetrated my social circles and quickly wierded everyone out. I never recovered socially, I was the black sheep at work and only kept a handful of friends even after she was out of my life. I held on for so long because who the fuck else would? That girl is mentally fucked, she has a disease that literally makes try every imaginable method of making the people you love the most want to kill you. I divorced her because she turned me from a nice guy to wishing Dexter was a real person who would do me a solid… That girl helped me build emotional wall that I doubt even the most perfect woman could traverse. My career suffered so much that I lost my confidence and ultimately had to get out of the air force. I stuck around for my sons. From false accusation of rape to u name it. She told my sons then 7 and 9 she was going to die and had one yr to live. I read everything on bp thought I could help her gave her everything she wanted. They suck the life out of you and then move on to the next victim, like you never existed. Six yrs of therapy and finally able to function. Justin Ross Like I said, she had been diagnosed BPD, Histrionic, and Bipolar. Pathological lying is not a personality disorder, only a symptom. Like I also said, I had a white knight complex that blinded me to everything I should have noticed. I totally understand that nobody wants to push love ones away. Imagine a mentally handicapped person somehow killed a loved one of yours. You are devastated, angry, etc. You see a person who did it, a cause of your pain. Best analogy I have. RUN away from that type; the only BPDs that have some chance of changing are those who genuinely take responsibility for their behavior, and who are genuinely interested in getting better. So far I have met many BPDs who have absolutely no interest in getting better even when they say they do. When pressed with overwhelming evidence of their evil wrongdoing, they quickly utter a meaningless apology and move on, like nothing happened. The BPD is strong with this one! No-one always puts others above themselves. So let me tell you — if you truly want to stay as you are for the rest of your life then you can continue to think that you always put others over yourself. But if you genuinely want to be a better person then you should start with the assumption that anyone who claims what you do is most likely never actually considering those around them. Trust me, with your attitude, you have hurt many, many people and deeply. You can change but not if you choose to remain in denial. Namens felder You will never win. I was raised by one man and my brother and aunt are also. If you even try to agree with them or call them on their behavior, no matter which way you go there will be something that they will knock you for because it is never good enough and when it is, you get thrown away anyhow. Greg Higgs Okay, Noonespecial, this is exactly what I had said! You just absolved an obviously severely disordered and fragmented toxic individual of EVERYTHING and attempted to hold Justin Ross responsible for everything that went wrong with the toxic dynamics of his previous relationship with a BPD. Pathological Lying Pseudologia fantastica is a SYMPTOM…NOT a diagnosis. It is a severely harmful behavior which can become life-threatening in severe cases ie: Jodi Arias. Life is not supposed to be that way! Where is your caring for Justin Ross and what he experienced at her hands? His life was practically destroyed and he has emotional problems as a result of it. Where is your empathy for him? Why should he go and all this research to learn about BPD? But then again, the BPD universe is NOT governed by the laws of rationality and reason. His ex-wife was severely disordered before he even met her! I hate to hear about the poor guy she was with before she met Justin! They just continue to behave in ever-more harmful activities. His professional career suffered for her behavior. It was a total disaster. Beth Johnson PEOPLE that SUFFER with BPD CAN AND DO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS. You are NOT qualified to make these judgments based on ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE. I CAN and DO take responsibility for not only my own actions but I also often take the blame for the actions of other people. You display many traits of personality disorders yourself, maybe you should get that seen to.. Justin Ross I appreciate that. I just want to be clear that I was far from perfect through it all. Some people just bring the worst out of you. Definitely not to make myself look good or downtrodden. I was ignorant and paid in full for it man. Just take care to watch your back out there! This is exactly what I mean! What you are describing is actually, masturbation since there is no intimate component to the act. Because if you were, you would have recognized the hostility of your statement. I never meant anything by it! I enjoy it nonetheless, and so does my partner. Women with BPD have behavioral and emotional issues, indeed. But you fail to solve the problem by demonizing and overgeneralizing. Anyone who resorts to attacking my character especially upon which he has little information has no real argument against me, but an ad hominem. Namens felder So you hate gay people?? I was raised by one and spent years being abused. Was that all my fault?? I have never dated one but my mom, aunt and brother were all borderline. Alison Katy Wow, as I only have what you have written to know what sort of guy you are I shall refrain from judging you as a total jerk. You obviously have some decent bone in you body little finger, maybe, or a toe? My shock horror femminist friend friend sent me to marvel at this site, and I have to say it has been a shocker seriously guys — do you believe this crap? Fucked up stuff to lie about. Justin Ross Where were you when I first met her?? I lived and learned. Personally I just find it entertaining to read it all. This article just hit home in a big way. Greg Higgs How do you handle the pathological lying and manipulation? Yes, they can afford you spectacular episodes of sexual ecstasy that will stay in your mind for the rest of your life. The pathological way they always see everything and blame you for virtually every single problem in the world today. Also, how do you deal with the childishness and constant attention getting immaturity? How do you deal with the tantrums and extreme emotional bi-polarity? Why put up with it? One day she will have you set up with a labyrinth of lies and accusations and be backed up by a phalanx of ruthless feminist-misandrists who are just waiting to carve you a new asshole. You should write about how you did it and publish it. You will become and instant billionaire overnight! They are evil right till the end. No matter what you did for them it never mattered. And when your not working they move on to the next thing, gambling, stealing, cheating anything to keep themselves from admitting the truth. That they are horrible human beings. One thing is they will never tell you they have BPD, so watch out. There are signs, bad childhood, they hate their mothers, they pawn there kids off on anyone who will take them. They are messy and unorganized. They are crazy sexually. They have some abuse story about and ex who beat her. They seek out your best friends and family and try to get them to love her so they would want you to date her. People asking her personal questions might piss her off. All of these are just the initial signs. I bet if your next gf has half of these you should leave immediately. Alison Katy Ok, hands up, I have BPD. But I can say, hand on heart, that I have never lied, cheated on or bullied a boyfriend. Borderline is a spectrum, and yep, at one end people manipulate, cheat and decieve but at the other end of the spectrum it it the other way around. So, I may be in the minority, but just sayin, honest, loyal and kind borderlines with no alterior motives do exist. TiredSO Ask your boyfriend if you bully him. And ask without any coercion, in written form, so if you did he can actually say so. Not all depressives stay in bed all day crying, and not all schizophrenics spend their days talking to the devil sat in the corner of the living room. I, on the other hand, wish to offer you a perspective that you have clearly not considered. What gives you the right to say that her perception is twisted, but not his? Every single one of them wants you back the curse of BPD. I know very well. Twice during that 6 months she recycled me though no sex just to get comfort, then getting a restraining order out of nowhere — she said I harassed and threatened her. Probably pay back for when I tried to go NC and that still failed and I still comforted her when she needed it — BPD pay back kindness with more pain or at least many do. Once a BPD leaves, they may recycle but they will never come back forever. Side note, you look a little gaunt. I have very little faith in a BPD who is as skinny as you. With Shock, Terror and total confusion! Emotional Terror her character inflicted on Michael Douglas was very real and VERY HARMFUL! Pretty soon, you begin experiencing heart palpitations and terror when they come in through the door, You cannot sleep, you feel the life-energy drain out of you, you become hyper-vigilant to what might happen next, Your blood-pressure rises, Your breathing becomes frenetic and shallow, you begin having muscle cramps in your neck and shoulders or blinding headaches because of the non-ending tension and stress you experience, your own perception of reality begins to falter as you think you are the one who is going crazy… Al this Ali … is HARM OTHERS EXPERIENCE WHEN EXPOSED TO A BPD. Think of this…what harm does a BPD do when they are alone and not in a relationship? No identity to absorb. No reason to harm themselves when theirs no one to abandon them! Which is what enables them to do the things they do to others and have no remorse for it. They will bounce from one relationship to the next doing this. Paula When I first moved into my own place I still self harmed and no one was around, it has nothing to do with being in a relationship or wanting attention from anyone. I no longer self harm and have changed in many ways so therefore it is not a fixed behaviour and with the correct treatment and therapy people with BPD can learn to cope with the disorder and live happy lives. When I was younger I tried to commit suicide a few times and never told anyone what I was thinking or how I was feeling at the time. I just did it and someone always ended up finding me in time, not sure how because I was never where I was suppose to be at the time. The most stalwart Navy SEAL commando or Delta Force Ranger has fear when they are in harms way. They have no trouble admitting it. To answer your question though; NO. Frequently, they are at odds with an ex spouse mother who is the primary custodial parent who has BPD and so the divorce becomes, messy, traumatic and extremely painful for all. Not only does the man have to try to maintain his role as a father to his children, he also has to work doubly hard not to act on his own rage and pain and kill the person who is torturing him by using their children as weapons against him. They are NOT helpful to you or anyone. Except maybe to illustrate the hatred and venom a BPD is capable of. Come back to the light! Do not let yourself be controlled by your BPD and remain at the mercy of it. Love yourself and let others love you too. Be the brave, courageous person you know you can be…and go into DBT treatment! Instead of logging on and anonymously spitting out poison to others on this website like a cobra, buy a journal and log your thoughts and feelings there. Use it as a tool to chart your growth and maturing process. Your therapist will be immensely impressed and grateful because it will help them know how to help you the best way possible. You are not going to cultivate any respect from anyone and most of all yourself as you sink further into the cesspool of self-loathing and deep shame. Instead, do the harder thing! Not by tearing anybody else down, but by conquering your own demons and ruling your own life and emotions! Once you have mastered yourself, you will find there is no need to conquer anyone else! Trust me on this! You can do it. Focus on your measured breaths. The journey to true self discovery and mastery begins! All it takes is the first step towards it. You met a bad woman. Or maybe you met a bunch of bad women. Like attracts like — you were, or are, still attracted to people with toxic behaviors. You care about other dads who get fucked by a system that assumes women are automatically fitter parents. How do you deal with it? You could do some things, like having open and honest dialogue with your community to figure out how to change the legal system to make it more fair. The rest of the world regards your movement as a circle-jerk because you tend to do the latter while professing to do the former. Take your own advice, Mr. All the while, gender-equality activists will be the ones who actually protect these vulnerable men. Greg Higgs Hello Nightingale, I saw your response and wanted to clarify for you. You are absolutely incorrect about my own emotions. I am NOT angry or scornful. I am most certainly not hateful. I feel tremendous pity, and heartfelt sympathy and compassion for all BPD sufferers. The mentally ill have been dealt a hand of cards that is unfair in its arbitration and consequences. You cannot know how often I have wept for BPD sufferers and those severely impacted by their disorder. We all go into relationships looking for love and support and fulfillment. The Human organism is a social creature. You misinterpret my motives and what I expound upon because you primarily perceive them from a defensive perspective. In fact, I responded to you because of how I saw your missives to other persons who have shared thoughts on this thread. They are undeniably hostile and not a little bit snarky. It is an attempt to diminish others at their expense. Are you here on this thread to hurt people? In fact, it was a notation of how humans used to resolve or redress provocative behaviors from within their own immediate social set. Consider if you will, many thousands of years ago when man lived in smaller social groups which were more integral and cohesive. Primarily because the dysfunctional behaviors of disordered individuals adversely affected the entire social group as a whole and could have easily become life-threatening. Humans had the same personality disorders and maladaptions then as they do today. However, a BPD female for example who acted out her disorder would have experienced extreme and forceful rebuke from other individuals within the social set. These early humans recognized the toxic nature of the disordered individual and how they negatively impacted others within the social group. Extreme energy was expended to submit the disordered individual into acceptable forms of behavior and expression. In short, the Personality Disordered Individual was dominated and contained within a reinforced modality of acceptable behaviors. If the Disordered Person behaved outside these established behavioral parameters, they experienced immediate and forceful response. When these episodes occurred, the BPD would revert back to the socially accepted behaviors and the social group would also return to a state of relative homeostasis. However, because those methods of control are NOT socially acceptable today in this present society we live in; redressing and containing the behaviors of severely disordered persons is much more difficult. Disordered Individuals have tremendous capacity to perpetuate their deleterious behaviors against others with relative impunity, thereby expanding the periphery of damage within social sets and society as a whole. Remember Nightingale, BPD abuse is terribly destructive! Whole families are destroyed because of the toxic behaviors of even a single BPD individual! That is what I meant. If you felt offended, I apologize for that. Perhaps, if I had expounded further as I did here, you might have interpreted my statement differently. Then again… perhaps not. The BPD perceives others and the world much differently from Non-Disordered individuals. Attempting to assist the BPD with reconciling their own thoughts and emotions with the thoughts and emotions of others is a primarily conflictual dynamic. This projection of their disordered mentality is another facet of the BPD paradigm. There is nothing funny about this. I am no activist. I am NOT against women. I am not against you. I am against the terrible dynamics of BPD and the damage it does to others. My comments are meant to be objective in exposing the realities of this critical mental health disorder. While you feel the need to ridicule and detract from my statements and attempt to malign me for my contributions; others have received them as accurate validation of their own experiences and acceptance of the realities of the dynamics of Borderline Personality Disorder. Others have also been educated and benefitted from my explanations because they were in fact, confused about what they were presently experiencing in current relationships with their partners. Please try NOT to be defensive about truth and candid honesty about what people write or say regarding BPD. The more we expound on personality disorders, the more people can benefit and increase their awareness of people with such disorders. MyChelle There are 14 different types of personality disorders besides BPD like Narcissistic Personality Disorder… which you exhibit many of the symptoms. I find it completely idiotic that you presume to know all about me because I have BPD. That is distorted thinking at its most pure form. Instead of being so free to accuse, blame, and patronize by your fake attempt at acting like you care, spend some time educating yourself on the topic before you speak. What I DO KNOW is the damage a Personality Disordered Person can cause to immediate family members around them. I am speaking from personal experience. To be honest; in my own opinion, you have no business being on this comments board if you are a DIAGNOSED BPD. You WILL NOT perceive ANYTHING here with objectivity or the true context it is being spoken because of your own self-centric perspective. I am NOT hurt by your reply. All they know is the crazy asylum their lives or homes have become when they have a PD individual take up residence in them and the desperate confusion, despair and often life-threatening anxiety they are embroiled in! The chaos a BPD brings with them can be very debilitating to others. You know this, MyChelle! There is no GOOD or EVIL. The Lion has to eat! What are you gonna do…blame the lion? What are you gonna do…Feel Sorry for the BPD? YOU WERE ALL BORDERLINES BEFORE ANY OF US HAVE EVER EVEN MET YOU! So enough of the blame and defensive backtalk to me! No different than watching the lion take down a zebra or an antelope! Borderline should be called complex PTSD — sensitive children experiencing very poor parenting in their early years, suffering childhood abandonment, abuse and neglect, and having everything they think or feel invalidated. Personal boundaries violated, trust violated, no healthy boundaries provided. Borderlines exhibit the same bad behaviours that occur in normal but very sensitive people vulnerable to stress who have experienced the same abnormal circumstances. Normalise the trauma people — the focus must be on destigmatising borderline, not crucifying the victims. It is exacerbated by stress hormones and trauma triggers, and is a spectrum post traumatic stress disorder and a mood disorder — just like anxiety, depression, PTSD and Bipolar. The personality aspects are merely an interesting side line. Empathic borderlines have a responsibility to commit to recovery and to seek support from empaths of the world; the desensitised borderlines will probably just seek alcohol and drugs or find jail. Greg Higgs Thank you for your validation. I just want people to know more about Personality Disorders and become more informed. If I had the knowledge I have now 25 years ago; MY ENTIRE LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT! TerriL Guilting, shame-inducing, martyrdom!! You have lived with it and seen it so you know us all right? If you could be in my head for one day and feel the insecurty, fear, self hate, doubt and loathing you would be a hollow quivering mass. Take 8 years of moletation and abuse abandonment and the rest of a childhood in foster care group homes and psych wards. The whole time being told your the problem. Yes I have issues I scare myself sometimes but I would never hurt someone on purpose. I would certainly never cheat on somone that I loved. In fact because of fear of being hurt or hurting someone else I for the last 10 years of my life have isolated myself. I have put myself in prison because of people like you. The couple of people in my life that I have care enough about me to undertand me. If anyone needs me I am there no questions. Anyone can be a bitch and go off but that does not mean we are afforded many freedoms and legal protections which allow them to continue to perpetuate these damaging behaviors against others. That is such garbage. The only real damage I do to anyone is to myself. Dont pigeon hole what you could never ever understand. Without it in your brain you have no clue! Comment You speak as my ex boyfriend used to speak to me. He got through to me. What you say is true. Mychelle needs to self reflect. I wish more people were rational and compassionate like you. As for what you mentioned about current society and the methods of the past that is totally interesting, thank you for sharing. Paula A person with BPD is really not any of the things you have listed here when they are in recovery and YES we can go into recovery. Just like an alcoholic a person with BPD can go into recovery but NOT be cured. I feel great and can accept responsibility for my behaviour and how it affect others. I agree with you many people with BPD do have toxic personalities and maybe they always will. Best to just cut your losses and move on with your life! I realize BPD is a spectrum and comes in many ranges of severity…that being said; BPD is still a MAJOR problem to deal with. Alex Nightingale, your entire statement was broken into multiple contradicting paragraphs. Then you call Higgs names, and prior to that, you tried to type as if you were a scholarly writer. Your mind is twisted. Cartoonish levels of anger, which cartoon would that be? He is not on a crusade, why would you make a WRONG statement like that? Poisonous comments, are you nuts? You like to control and to be controlled. You like to cause pain to others, because you are in torment yourself. You take something and twist it ten different ways, and it does not make sense when it comes to the end. I had one inflicted on me throughout my childhood. I still sometimes have to deal with her. While I can write those years off as awful and terrible because I was utterly traumatised…I suppose that there is one benefit…I know only to seek out genuinely empathetic women now. She shows inappropriate emotional responses and she gets dumped. YOU were the one who was cheating on your wife by being with her. You will get lost in her pathology. You will likely have to seek help for the PTSD you will experience after, the sexually transmitted diseases, the loss of nearly everything you are and have. And no, not a total denial because that would be generalizing as well. Some girls with BPD are selfish, destructive rage monsters and some are not. If you check the dsm, you see WHAT it is people with the disorder do, but not HOW they do it. The title of this article is generalized and extremely stigmatizing. They hide their hideous ways as they wreck havoc in peoples lives. They prey on others pity, love and compassion. They are unable to love or feel any genuine compassionate emotion. Their coping mechanisms in truth are a macabra game that relies on peoples ignorance. These behaviours ultimately leading to abandonment, gaming for control leads to more and more hideous, paranoid acts, sometimes fatal. Any article that tries to educate non borderlines about the possible confusion in their relationships is crowded with borderlines trying to shame, confuse and belittle everyone as usual. I am educating my son and daughter about you, how to spot you and your robotic, appalling , histrionic games. In truth you care for nothing, not even yourself. Part of being human is having authentic emotional value for yourself and consequently others. At the heart of BPD is a black hole of the soul sucking everyone including the host into it. Lucy Some should expose you lady. I bet you have done some fucked up shit in your life but from my point of view one of the biggest is he you putting your ass so high up on the pedostal. They are from other types of personality disorders. Most would never be cruel to animals, we have deep care for animals and even have a type of treatment where pets are used for therapy. Never cheated, been cheated on. Always keep my promise, had promise broken on me many times. I do dissociate part of BPD. Deduction Yet another woman with BPD claiming how righteous and pure she is and how much of a poor look at me victim she has always been. To every decent person, take my advice, and avoid! Lucy I am my own expert. Judge me go on ahead but no you do not feel me you are not me you only know you. My ex sister-in-law is a BPD and the stuff she pulled on me and my parents was disgusting. If any of you ladies on this site defending BPD pull this abusive shit you can seriously fuck off. Go be a horrible black hole unto yourselves and leave others alone. You deserve to rot in the misery you created for yourselves and for all the innocent victims of your bullshit. Single life is the best life for me, I can do what I want when I want with no one to tell me what to do. I also have PTSD due to seeing many of my friends take their own life one went off the roof of my building, seeing him go past my balcony was very difficult and then his body stayed where it was for most of the day while they investigated. Judging others for something someone did to you is just silly. Having this disorder for so long has taught me a lot about myself and the disorder and has taken me through a lot. I have come to a point where the right treatment and therapy has made it appear to family and friend as if I no longer have BPD but I know it will never go away since there is no cure. But I see you still take advantage of the fact yo try and verbally abuse people. In my head I just think you need to shut up. You are shitty seriously not maybe always but look at yourself and the way you are acting. Wtf do you talk to anyone else like this seriously Sarah Honey, you do realize that plenty of girls and guys, fyi WITHOUT BPD cheat all the time, right? If you care about this girl, treat her with kindness and compassion, but be clear that you need the same. All the suggestion, cajoling, ultimatums … never work 98% of the time. Wint Phoo I am entering therapy on my own decision after I failed a few relationships with nice guys because I was always looking for warning signs that they are falling out of love with me, and driving both crazy. Once the therapist finds out who they are dealing with and things start to focus on her she is done. The therapist is better than sliced bread at first her new best friend but it like all her relationships quickly sour. My dad always says the first day someone meets her it is all downhill from there heck her first husband had a black eye within the first week of marriage. One time she told my mother her husband was abusing her and showed her bruises on her wrists as though they had been grabbed. My mother asked him what it was about though she really new from experience she wanted to hear him say it he said yeah that is from me holding her arms to keep her beating the crap out of me. When she rages which can happen at anytime it is an awful experience. She was arrested for it only once but sweet talked my nephew in taking the blame and convinced a judge she was just disciplining an unruly teen. It made me sick hearing how the unaware judge lectured my nephew when we all new she was to blame. Borderlines are dangerous, manipulative, cunning liars and users. This is a novel I know You just described my mother in law perfectly. Yeah, real crazy but m. Anyways, desperate and scared I asked her son if he could help me we met by a literal miracle online and had known each other for barely a week prior to him helping me. It was about 9 pm mind you. He was about 40 min. Takes me to his work, I sit in the break room till 12 and he tells me his mom said I could crash at their house. Long story short I end up living there for a while and it was… Jesus Christ. This is a novel I know You just described my mother in law perfectly. Yeah, real crazy but m. Anyways, desperate and scared I asked her son if he could help me we met by a literal miracle online and had known each other for barely a week prior to him helping me. It was about 9 pm mind you. He was about 40 min. Takes me to his work, I sit in the break room till 12 and he tells me his mom said I could crash at their house. Long story short I end up living there for a while and it was… Jesus Christ. Ok so why did you not come to me like an adult? Why are you so scared of me you have to send cryptic angry messages through your poor son? Barring the fact that I just went through a traumatic life event I am a very reserved person. I do not talk, especially to strangers I just met, even under the best of circumstances. I am rightfully terrified and especially closed off during this time. Can we say a complete lack of common sense or empathy? Another time I was in the shower when she came home from work and I just started hearing this shrieking. Thought I was just hearing things but then I heard banging and a huge commotion, like someone was bulldozing the house. You kind of let me in. Heard some banging then it stopped. After a few moments I hear her coo at me from the living room to come here. Hesitantly I open the door and walk out to find her hunched over on the couch looking like she had just been in a tornado: Hair was wild about her head like she had been ripping it out, costume jewelry necklace was sideways, tear streaked eye shadow and mascara running down her face. She wanted to make sure she killed something he loved and cared about. After it was all said and done she had the gall to send us Facebook requests. It got to the point that we had to buy our own mini fridge and hide it in our closet because she kept eating our food. The lasagna that WE BOUGHT AND MADE FOR OURSELVES ONLY. She tried to ship me back to my mom after she was done feeling like a hero and a martyr for helping me then when I told her to just drop me off at a shelter instead she started screeching at me and told me I was going to get raped. She had the nerve to ask if I had ever been raped, which I have. Then when I defiantly stayed silent she tried to compete with me about whose rape was worse. Who asks something like that? That and when she made fun of and talked shit about her son to me in private then expected me to laugh. All she wants is to fill the empty pit where her soul and heart maybe used to be. And she does that by drinking, screaming, raging, partying, begging for attention, and gold digging. No one but our close friends believes us yet everyone believes her when she goes around saying her parents, her sister, her husband, and my boyfriend and I abuse her. Quit begging us for money and food. Then only with her parents help moved into a house and nearly made her son kill himself. She sponged off of both of us and his dad for a while, then found some poor sucker to pay for her every hedonistic wish or desire when her son and I left. She still probably bitches that she has no money anyway. Part of us bf and I does feel sorry for her. We feel sorry for the sweet little girl her parents and she beat and abused to death. I wish I could fix her life. Sign her up for some DBT, get her back on medication, throw out all the alcohol, get her a gym membership etc. He hates her but personally I feel a little sorry for the person she is now. He gets very exasperated when I even talk about her or his grandparents. I will never respect her parents for being such a big part of the reason that she turned out this way. Of course I slouch my spine looks like an opened paper clip. I need a back brace not you projecting your insecurities onto me. I feel bad for the woman but the only person that can piss me off faster than her is my mother and Lena Dun-ate-a-whole-ham. Thank you for listening. PTSD, like BPD, is a disorder formed in reaction to traumatic events — they developed one, you developed another. So, in light of your cutting, black and white analysis, would you say PTSD is not an illness perhaps you are just a pussy? You are indeed a victim as was the person who probably afflicted the pain upon you and most likely the one that created them, this shit comes in endless cycles where one either carries the baton of the former or goes around bashing everyone with their newly created, starkly apposing and often equally damaging baton of their own, whilst sitting on a rather tall looking horse. Lucy Do you know her are you good friends did she steal the last slice of cake? I guess If a black person saud lewd comments to you they all gonna say it now? Pur brains are different. You do not havethe credentials to diagnose others or define their experiences as ill or not ill. Not all mental illnesses make you completely unaware of yourself and your behavior. I got diagnosed with bpd by my psychiatristabout a year ago but had been researching it and identifying with it due to my difficulties with relationships. Abandonment is a MAJOR issue, a borderline is CREATED by abuse, neglect and mistreatment as a child. You have no experience in psychology and no experience suffering the illness. DO NOT assume to tell US what WE suffer with or how WE feel. You have no idea. Deduction You feel oh so specially feels and emotionz!?! That profound regret and shamejt. Stop being so self indulgent and instead soberly self-appraise yourself and then actual actions to right the many wrongs which you have undoubtedly done. Borderlines lie like most people breathe. Lyn Ruby Mads Croughan i have BPD and its sad that we are being demonised , it,s a spectrum and not all are as this article states. I dont date anymore , i purposely avoid it because it,s not fair on a guy and its not fair on myself , ive learned to deal with all my negatives for everyone around me for them to have a better life , i am at the bottom of the pile and deny myself anything , to bring up my children. Alex I have bipolar, and people make comments. Fuck you, you have BPD, own up to the things you do wrong and stop blamming other people, ooo your offended, well get over it, life isnt fair, you are not special or should get better treatment more then anyone else. Take responisbility for your actions. Borderlines are characteristically EMPATHETIC people. We feel emotions deeply, so whilst we may act out in anger or sadness, we also feel extreme happiness, joy and love. Often BPD is co-morbid with depression and anxiety, so many of us are trying to overcome various mental illnesses at once. Nobody is asking for better treatment, simply the RIGHT treatment so that we can live a normal life and stop hurting both ourselves and those that we love. Haha that is the opposite of what you are. You are emotional, sure, but selfish to the core. So selfish that you do nothing except ride the whirlpool of your own internal emotions. If you were empathetc then something other than your immediate emotional state would matter to you. Which it does not. Now go and try and recruit some enablers at some other site. Hitler had emotions, but he had no empathy; or rather — he had empathy but only sometimes, when it suited him. He saved his friends in battle numerous times and was awarded two iron crosses for risking his life in WWI. Yet, he could not care less that millions were being killed under his orders. I do wish I could sedate myself like bp just so I can tune out this shit. Deduction Can you think of times when you have hurt people badly and you were the one to blame? If you can, then your friend is wrong but you should still do a bit of soul searching because they have called you something very bad indeed. Jacqueline Petty Exactly Mrs. When it was explained to me and when I read up on it it never said manipulative emotional vampires. And BPD ppl feel more than most. Same doctor said one of my main issues is my empathy for others and that it can make me open to deeper depression. I just have to go check that there is enough room in my basement full of dismembered male corpses for my boyfriend. What sort of reality do you live in Mike? Is there a reason you are so judgemental, or do you just like dishing out low blows based upon a poor knowledge of a disorder that effects more people than you think? Alexander Are you fucking kidding me? Yes some times I feel like I do everything for him, but at no point in time do I ever feel the need to rub it in his face because he gives back exactly what I put in. Usedtolove Gee, stereotyping is indeed dangerous. However, my BPD ex destroyed my life and capacity to love. It just increased her contempt for me. She even tried to get me to hit her — not in my nature, the last person I hit was my brother when I was very small. She knew that if she could get me to do this she would have completely broken me as a person. Sorry, but in general if someone was starting a relationship with someone exhibiting 5 of the 9 criteria I would advise them to run. I wish I had understood earlier as I would have walked away before all the damage. Hope your relationship is your last — I once wished for that. I was never the same after my BPD relationship and decided it best not to be in a relationship. Alison Katy So sorry you had such a bad time; sometimes unconditional love, with all its pure intent, can become enabling and the one receiving it often seems to use it as an excuse to stay in the negative or destructive place they are in. I hope that one day you do get a happy ending, everyone deserves to. She was trying to assure that selfish people will hurt you no matter how much you love them or how many times you forgive them. The girl that hurt him was very much at fault. It IS a spectrum, just like Autism, using the example Black Knight chose to use. BPD rarely exists by itself. They learn quickly to force their thoughts and feelings down as they will only be ridiculed and invalidated for them. In becoming an adult, this person will deeply desire intimate relationships as they uncover a lack of love, but they still have all the baggage and insecurity from childhood, and will generally lack the ability to verbalize their distress due to that forcing down of problems when they were younger. This person with bpd feels guilty about everything, so much so that, when you bring up something that REALLY IS their fault, they fall apart at the fact that you noticed it, because they already think of themselves as bad. They need you to believe that they are better than you and many display borderline-like behaviors ever heard of co-morbidity? A true borderline may crave attention, but this differs from the others significantly. First, there IS such a thing as bad attention for a borderline person, and it terrifies them, whereas the others just want all of your attention. Second, the borderline person believes they are bad, and so, undeserving of ANY desired attention, no matter how innocent or reasonable. Imagine a bottle of soda. This will be our bpd metaphor. Set the soda on the counter. No problems, no big deal. Now shake it up. Take the cap off and soda sprays all over you, leaving you wet, annoyed, and less likely to enjoy your drink. NOW, imagine if you shook that bottle of soda for hours; days; weeks; even months at a time. The pressure would build up behind the lid, but eventually, there would be enough to blow that lid off, making a huge mess. A borderline person is like that. But eventually, just like the soda, too much pressure builds up, and they explode. Shaming ANYONE for their mistakes causes damage. For someone to develop borderline personality, this shaming has been their life.

Re: Should I date a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder
You will also be the premiere outlet to practice newly learned social skills. It has been the most productive treatment to date for people with BPD. But more recent studies suggest that we actually just have way too much of it. We were caballeros at first and I was told lies about her exes and how everyone is cruel to her blah blah. She is a narcissist and she will never change. After that understandably freaked him out a bit, I went into panic mode and found another guy within 36 elements. She had me believeing awful things about myself like I would cheat on her or I could be dangerous or even commit murder. Borderlines are dangerous, manipulative, cunning liars and users. Take your own advice, Mr. Treatment for Narcissistic Personality Disorder If you are aware of some of the civil signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in your partner, you need to take action. Have you ever heard of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy BPD. Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking.